23 – The Stadium Committee Pursues a New Dream

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 23

Welcome to the unique Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog. Herein, we describe the ongoing campaign of Yachats (YAH-hots), Oregon, and its spunky inhabitants—known as Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns)—to acquire a Major League Baseball franchise. To learn about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

A number of chroniclers are participating in this literary quest. Today’s entry in the RS blog again is written by Dr. Isaac Squibley. He relates the efforts of Brassica Chin and her Yachats Smelt Stadium Committee to follow in the footsteps of the Seattle Pilots.

The Stadium Committee Pursues a New Dream
by Dr. Isaac Squibley

If you want something bad enough, you’re going to get it.

The last time we met, Brassica’s stadium committee listened as Wumpy Mugwump told how Seattle once wanted a baseball team so bad that Major League Baseball’s heart melted seeing all that earnest wanting going on and handed over a franchise just like that. Thus, the Seattle Pilots were born.

Subsequently, the committee thought in unison, “Yachatians can want just as bad as Seattlites, and our baseball stadium is at least as good as old Sicks’ stadium in Seattle, and if we fix it up some, we’ll be right as rain.”

It rained. So the committee clustered under the roof of the picnic shelter. Figure 1 shows the picnic shelter as it appears to one looking down the leftfield foul line from home plate if we had a foul line and a home plate.

Figure 1. Picnic shelter as seen from home plate if we had one.

Figure 2 shows the picnic shelter as seen from center field. You can almost hear crows chirping and gulls twittering in the forest behind you.

Figure 2. Picnic shelter as seen by center fielder.

From the picnic shelter the committee could survey the whole stadium. Nothing better to do, what with rain settling in and making no plans to leave. Keep in mind, the old Seattle Pilots’ stadium had no cozy picnic shelter, no roar of a nearby ocean, no serenades from very big songbirds. The Smelt committee counted its blessings.

Figure 3 shows you the ball field items viewed by the committee.* You see the infield and the current grandstand of the Yachats Baseball Stadium—very similar to Sicks’ Stadium after it was renovated to house the Pilots. Notice the large building behind the backstop in the photo. It is one of two churches across the street from the ball field—this is at the edge of the theological district of Yachats.

Figure 3. View of grandstand and theological district of Yachats.

The committee members stared out between raindrops as their imaginations augmented the Smelt future. Then someone in the front row raised her hand. “Will we still get our retractable roof?”

Wumpy stepped forward to field the question and smile reassurance at her. “Well, I should hope so! I happen to be on the Roof Committee and can tell you we are making plans right now.”

With this exhilarating news, shoulders relaxed, eyes stopped twitching. And feet were put back onto rabbits. What a wonderful thing major league baseball is for a village, bringing it togetherness and a retractable roof!

Taking their boosted spirits in hand, the committee romped through a wonderland of hypothetical improvements to their ball field. Double the seating capacity to sixty. Add features to the infield (e.g., mound and bases). Provide parking spaces. Eliminate mole holes (see Fig. 4). Install an ultramodern outhouse convenient to the grandstand.

Figure 4. Today's macho mole.

The list of upgrades grew rapidly at first, but as the whole caboodle began to take shape before them, minds throttled down and became more pensive. The rain slowed to a drizzle. The committee’s alpha daydreamer, Brassica Chin, gazed out at the field and sighed, “Can’t you just picture the Smelt racing onto the field on opening day?”

And nobody could. What would Smelt uniforms look like?

* Please see RS Post 12 for an explanation of the remarkable optical illusions that make the Yachats stadium appear smaller than it really is.

Next time: Everything seemed to be whizzing along for the stadium committee until it ran into imagination block. Next time we will visit the Uniforms & Stuff Committee to watch the Smelt’s ace stitcher, seamstress Betsy Rossini, go toe to toe. Consequently, you will learn that modern psychological techniques can be applied and that the reverse is also true.

NOTE: Please help us find famous people who are interested in writing one or more postings of the RS blog. We have in mind top-notch celebrities such as Kurt Russell or Mario Cuomo or Glenn Close. Do you know any of these people? If so, please tell us at the bottom of this page.

NOTE AGAIN: Dave Baldwin and Eric Sallee thank each of you for reading post after post of the Rubbery Shrubbery blog. For your loyalty and stick-to-itiveness you deserve the coveted Golden Smelt Award. Unfortunately, these are conferred by Yachats’s mayor with rigorous discretion. Fat chance you have of getting one.