43 – Yachatian Voyage to the Moon

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 43

This is the Rubbery Shrubbery blog, where you’ll learn how Yachats (YAH-hots), Oregon, acquires a Major League Baseball franchise. To learn more about Yachats and its inhabitants—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns)—please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

By a stroke of Yachatian luck, Ingeborg Von Root returns to write this post about surprising new developments in the construction of Rubbery Shrubbery Stadium.

Yachatian Voyage to the Moon
by Ingeborg Von Root

The nose of the great red-yellow-and-blue LEGO1 Rocket Ship juts into the last hour of brilliant Yachatian sunlight, high above the titter and giggle of its urchin engineers. It stands on its launching pad, a proud monument to the variable whims of innocent fingers and moppet minds.

The LEGO1 kiddie spaceship wasn’t always such. Not long ago, after one charismatic imp named Crankelwitz had instigated a toddler war, those same rocketry LEGO® blocks were distributed amongst several juvenile fortresses locked in mortal battle. (See Post #37, “Dagnabbit!”) The LEGO® blocks were then redirected back toward becoming a stadium by Tabitha Wolf, the art teacher who is trying to keep the kids focused on the task at hand. (See Post #30, “Smelt Go with Youth.”)

But the tykes strayed again a few days ago, and once more Crankelwitz was the leading troublemaker. Apparently inspired by a TV documentary about Robert H. Goddard (see Fig. 1), he rallied his shaver mates to finish most of the rocket’s exterior before Ms. Wolf finished her second cup of coffee and became mindful.

Figure 1. Dr. Robert Hutchings Goddard, rocketry pioneer and inspiration of Yachatian youngsters.*

Ms. Wolf now has an undercover tot reporting (tattling) what the squirts are up to. By the latest report, they’re collecting lighter fluid, gorse oil, and various household flammables for fueling LEGO1. But according to Dr. Roswell J. Barnburn, who once applied for a job with NASA, it’s unlikely the spaceship will make it to the Kuiper Belt or even Mars on such a meager energy source. “I’d guess the far side of the Moon is about the best they can hope for,” he said. See Fig. 2.

Figure 2. Far side of the Moon.**

Still the Smelt’s Stadium Committee is mighty concerned about the situation. The committee’s chairperson, Brassica Chin expressed her greatest fears, “What if the kiddies get enough lighter fluid to go into orbit, but not enough to get to the lunar surface? They’ll be up there whirling around the Earth with nothing nutritional— just cookies and milkshakes (you know how kids are). And who’s going up there to get them down?”

To try to stem this youthful tide, the Stadium Committee is seeking professional help. This is described in a Note at the end of this post.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GAWKING AT LEGO1:

Those of you who have never been to Yachats and are chafing at the bit to see the LEGO1 Rocket Ship before it launches, pay attention. This is how to get to within sight of the launching pad.

Approaching from the north you will be driving south on Highway 101. As you near the city limits, you will come to the spot where the “Woolly Mammunk Crossing” sign used to be before tourists stole it. From there the launching pad will be about 1.5 miles. (Don’t worry about the woolly mammunks—without the crossing sign, they no longer cross the highway.) Turn right onto Sixth Street (named after Yachats founding father Jedediah Sixth). You’ll see LEGO1 right in front of you. Parking is optional.

Approaching from the south, driving north on Highway 101, you will have a spectacular view of the rocket from Cape Perpetua (see Fig. 3). Continue on 101 over the Yachats Troll Bridge crossing the Yachats River. Go through the heart of the city (shouldn’t take more than forty seconds if you drive at the speed limit, ten seconds if you go with the flow), and you’ll come to the city’s financial district (bank) on your left. The next street is Sixth Street. Turn left. From here on, follow the directions given for approaching from the north.

Figure 3. View of Yachats from Cape Perpetua. Photo taken before rocket was built, but use your imagination.***

Approaching from the east is treacherous and interesting. All mountains and deep forests. Be forewarned, a night in the woods is filled with scary sounds. And organisms that don’t realize they are inferior to us.

Approaching from the west is a little tricky. It’s best to anchor your boat in the Yachats estuary (harbor). From there kayak to the south beach (that will be the one on the right—there’s no north beach). Secure your kayak or take it with you. Climb the stairs to the state park. Look north and you’ll see LEGO1 towering above the Yachatian skyline. Carry your kayak to the Yachats Troll Bridge where you’ll find a pedestrian walkway. Pay the Norwegian troll on duty one billy goat and you’ll be on your way. Continue through town, following directions given for approaching from the south. Also, pay close attention to your instincts.

* Photo by NASA. From Wikipedia.
** Photo by NASA. From Wikipedia.
*** Photo by Elizabeth Gates.

Next time: We’ll be joined by a new contributor, Mayor Ron Brean. He’s the actual mayor of Yachats. No, really!

NOTE: To get the Rubbery Shrubbery Stadium construction back on track, the Stadium Committee is hoping to hire Willamette University Professor of Chemistry J. Charles Williamson. He’s an actual college professor. No, really!

Dr. Williamson also is an experienced LEGO architect and construction project foreman. One of the world’s best. The committee is certain he can make the nippers shape up and buckle down.

Figure 4. Dr. J. Charles Williamson.

NOTE AGAIN: Dave Baldwin and Eric Sallee are astounded that the Rubbery Shrubbery blog is still alive and kicking.